A few months ago, I allowed myself to be swept off my feet and into a karaoke evening at a local pub. This is not something I normally do. I’m not a singer. I will however, give a plug here for group singing as a way to get better over many, many years. Church singing has made me a better singer.
“You know what,” Brent said to me once. “I think you are actually staying in tune.” I would have flushed, pleased, and said “Thank you honey.” Because we both knew the blunt instrument I had started with when I was a young minister’s wife, gamely joining in to be at least one other person in the church singing the hymns with my husband. (That’s one of the things we do. Stand by our person with those old hymns.)
But on that Friday night, despite my vow that I would go, but not sing, there I was, not only singing but leading “We are Family” with our girl band. Somehow I was the front woman. You see, as it turns out, many know the chorus but few know the verses.
‘All of the people around us, they say, yeah, yeah
Can they be that close
Just let me state for the record
We’re giving love in a family dose” — Sister Sledge
It was literally painful.
I do know it’s generally more embarrassing to stop doing something ridiculous like this than to keep going, so on we went, me, my daughter, my mother, and our friend Sam through this endless song. Pastor Michelle and my neighbour Jodi guarded the nachos and clapped along from the table. It’s quite a long song, which you might not have realized.
But even through my pain, I could see the beauty. And the beauty is that, at least on that night of karaoke, (and I think this must be almost always true or people surely wouldn’t keep doing it), there is a Karaoke Team Spirit that takes over the room. The other singers, between their turns, cheered us on, clapping and singing with us. One particularly eager and giving man jumped to his feet and danced. A little awkward, but whatever.
The camaraderie was real.
People joined in to help us get through this epic song. I’m quite certain the guy who runs the equipment turned down our microphones and turned up the music. I was thankful. He seemed like a pleasant guy who shot to his feet every now and then himself and wowed us with his beautiful voice (It’s legitimate to show off on karaoke night. It’s encouraged. Belt it out brother).
We are all singers on karaoke night, even if your singing ship sinks fast. We’re in it together. There are life rafts at hand.
I’m sure you know where this is going.
This is a little note on a Friday to say that people can be so wonderful. You can be so wonderful. Complete strangers can lift each other up and help each other out. And friends…where would we be without them? We need to be cheered on. We need to cheer our people on, and sometimes complete strangers. Yes!
My dad, who died 10 months after Brent did, was very philosophical about friendship. “Karen Marie, if you think of someone, call them. I believe if we have a nudge, that nudge is telling us something.”
Give all you have. Give it while you can.
Annie Dillard, beautiful writer, said this about writing, but it’s good for life and friendship too.
“One of the things I know about writing is this: spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.”
Count your circles of encouragement, where you give and where you receive. I count circles of writers and widows, my team at work, my children, Brent’s family, my family, our family, my line-dancing class, our church, my first group from the master of fine arts I did (we still meet!) all the beauties who came to my book launch and gave so much love and encouragement, a little cluster of neighbours. Chris, next door has climbed through our windows to unlock our doors, and just this morning I watched him carry in my garbage and recycling cans. I thought about running out and saying, “Oh stop! I can do it.” But I came to my senses. My grateful senses.